Our adoption process broke me on so many levels. The twelve years of waiting shattered me into such small pieces that there is no picking them up and putting them back together. I came out the other side a different person. There is no going back and I am thankful for who God rebuilt me to be.
I relied so completely on God and I followed Him Faithfully, it's easy to assume that because I did that and He granted me what He promised and what I had been longing for that suddenly things would be a dream, complete. Our journey to our boys was a journey God laid out before me to mold me into whom he wanted me to be. What I have discovered is that I am nothing. It is God who loves me enough to call me to something bigger than myself and allow me to have court side seats to Him doing amazing things. It is God who loves me enough to pour these blessings into my life. Things can never be as they were before we began this journey. I don't want to be the person that I was when I started, but I know now that simply because God followed through on this promise doesn’t mean my journey is over. My flesh still wrestles with my spirit. I desire more than ever to be the very best version of me to honor the mighty savior whom I have the privilege of serving. I think, at some point, I fully expected that when our boys came home I would feel full/complete. My children are my world. All four of them! I am a mom and I have days when I am exhausted from the fifty million questions, picking up toys, wiping faces and bottoms, monitoring electronics, managing schedules, planning their schooling, being the doctor, making meals….you know the list. I am also a mom who can’t believe she gets to be home every day with her children. I get to learn with them, laugh with them, and play with them every day. I am fulfilled, but I am not complete. God wants me to keep stretching, growing, and changing for Him. God keeps whispering I have more for you. I continue to seek Him in all areas of my life and I will continue to be imperfect as I wade through this thing called life. I will mess up as a wife, mom, daughter, sister and friend, but I will continue to go to those I love and seek forgiveness and grace. I will continue to repent before my Lord and find rest in His shelter. This week, we will celebrate one year with the boys. This past year seems like it has been a blink of an eye and a lifetime. A gift I am eternally grateful for.
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AuthorMy name is Deidra Miller. I have been married to my wonderful husband, Dusty, for 17 years. We have two biological children and our family is growing again. We prayed for 2,786 days and God answered our prayers. More days (almost 4 years) have been added as we wait for God's perfect plan for our family. We can't wait to meet our beautiful twin boys! Archives
October 2022
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