Trauma is hard!! And somedays, it sucks every ounce of life out of my soul. I am exhausted. My brain and body struggle to keep up with the pace of my day. I am drained in ways I never knew existed.
I love these boys fiercely and I will keep fighting. My children, all of them, are worth all of it. But it's more than I can give. My only defense is fighting from my knees. No matter how driven or focused I am, I am not the answer. I want to look back and know that what I was doing was eternally important. To do that, I need to give it all to God. I need my focus and drive to be towards serving him, intentionally, with all of who I am. Only then can I share His love with those around me. In 1 Samuel 12, Samuel is giving his farewell speech to Israel. Israel has requested a king. A king who will rule them instead of them being ruled directly by God. Samuel could have shared many things, but in his final words of wisdom he reminded the people of Israel where God had brought them from. He urged them to remember and stay faithful to the Lord. My thoughts are pulled in so many directions each day, and it's easy to be distracted by this world. I am striving to be better. I know the hard moments are easier when I remember what it took to get here. When I stop and think about the 12 years of prayers that led us to our sweet twin boys, I am overwhelmed. I am encouraging myself tonight to stop more often to realign myself to live intentionally. That was my word to focus on this year. In January, I started out strong. I had an adorable frame and stickers to create a small reminder to sit on my night stand that simply said, intentional. A small token to remind me each night and morning to focus on God, FIRST! It’s September now and I am almost, kind of certain those unassembled items are together somewhere in my house. My intentionality has been on a journey. I am praying for strength to focus my heart on fearing and serving God with all I have in me. I will start by acknowledging how much He has done for me, in all areas of my life. It’s only because of Him that I am where I am in this life. He has been faithful to me and more gracious than I deserve. God is faithful, and at the end of the day, when I am running over every second of the day in my mind, I must remember these children are His. He loves them more than I can fathom. This reminder slows my thoughts and anxieties. When I allow time to pause and look at life through the perspective of gratitude for all that He has done for me, I am humbled by my need for Him. I choose to face tomorrow intentionally focusing my heart toward loving God.
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AuthorMy name is Deidra Miller. I have been married to my wonderful husband, Dusty, for 17 years. We have two biological children and our family is growing again. We prayed for 2,786 days and God answered our prayers. More days (almost 4 years) have been added as we wait for God's perfect plan for our family. We can't wait to meet our beautiful twin boys! Archives
October 2022
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