I am not going to lie, I question God often when it comes to waiting on our boys. Some days I go back and forth with God every couple of minutes. I always have faith, but often a huge lack of understanding. If you have read any of my previous posts, you know I have and still question God’s timing. I have to release that and repent of that daily. We struggle. I hold on. I give it away. I take it back. I repent. And God grows me. I find more than ever I long for His comfort when the wait is too much. I find solace in the fact that only He knows my heart as I do.
I have known since the beginning that every step forward in this adoption process would be a step harder. That has proven to be true each and every time we meet a milestone. And here we are at what I am counting as the second to last step, with loving and cherishing our boys for life as the final step. We have a referral in hand, pictures on the wall, and the boys so far away, both in distance and time. We were matched with our boys at an official committee meeting in Burundi in July 2020. We received notification of that match in late October 2020. And today, February 2021 we finally received the last document needed so we can officially file our paperwork with the U.S. Immigration. We have been waiting on one sentence to be translated since October. That one sentence has been the only thing holding us up since mid-November. Why? If you knew the number of times I have asked that question. Why? It doesn’t make sense no matter how you spin it. It just doesn’t add up-- until you consider the prayer of our hearts. We have prayed fervently since October that God will move each step at His perfect timing to ensure everything happens at the least restrictive timing. Here I am again asking, “How does waiting longer make more sense, God?” Covid, covid rules, covid rules changing, vaccines, travel restrictions, unrest in our country, inauguration, and many unknowns…it’s easy to allow fear to drive my emotions. I can’t see a path where wading deeper into the muck of our world is better than us going to Africa sooner to bring our boys home. I can’t see it! But God can! He has gone ahead of us every step of the journey and I know He is there now. I don’t understand, I don’t always see it, but I have faith that He is working all things for the good of this situation. I will continue to fight to be faithful even when the road ahead is so dark that I can’t make out the slightest shape of the path. I can’t see it, but God can. I wanted to write this post to give Glory to God now for the amazing things He is working out. To honor His faithfulness to our family even when I don’t see or understand His plan. I have faith He is moving mountains in our process. Fear is running rampant in our world today. It is easy to get caught up in it. I find I slip on that slippery slop more than I would like to admit. But whether I am fearful of the direction of our country, fearful for my children’s future, or fearful about bringing my boys home, God is bigger than all of it!
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AuthorMy name is Deidra Miller. I have been married to my wonderful husband, Dusty, for 17 years. We have two biological children and our family is growing again. We prayed for 2,786 days and God answered our prayers. More days (almost 4 years) have been added as we wait for God's perfect plan for our family. We can't wait to meet our beautiful twin boys! Archives
October 2022
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